Tag Archives: Rikishi

Fire Pro Wrestling Returns: The Briefcase Cup – Quarterfinals 2

IntroductionMatch 1Match 2Match 3Match 4 Match 5
Match 6Match 7Match 8Match 9Match 10 – Match 11
Match 12 – Match 13 – Match 14 – Match 15 – Match 16
Match 17 – Match 18 – Match 19 – Match 20 – Match 21
Match 22 – Match 23 – Match 24 – Quarterfinal 1

TONIGHT – The herd is thinning, but that doesn’t mean the rage has diminished! It’s quarerfinal CHAOS as we serve up another two-pack of TERROR!

QUARTERFINAL 3: BIG G. BULL v. GREAT SHIBA

BIG G. BULL

  • Nickname: The Brain
  • FPWR Profile: “The stern monster with beastly skills.”
  • Billed Height/Weight: 6’5″/298 lbs.
  • A/K/A: Bruiser Brody
  • Victims: Keiji TogashiStar Bison

If he wasn’t a legend in his own right, we’d call Big G. Bull, FPWR‘s surrogate for Bruiser Brody, a legend killer. His victims include fake Kenta Kobashi, one of the greatest Japanese wrestlers of all time, and quasi Stan Hansen, who may have been the first person to slam André the Giant (sorry – we mean Giant Rozhmov). While “The Brain” has no intention of losing tonight, he’ll need to rely on more than his mental acumen if he wants to take down…

GREAT SHIBA

  • Nickname: Super Giant
  • FPWR Profile: “The giant from India suddenly emerged.”
  • Billed Height/Weight: 7’2/441 lbs.
  • A/K/A: The Great Khali
  • Victims: G.O. BrightKAZUYA

Let no one say that size does not matter. How else could a man that can barely pull off a powerbomb get this far? While Great Shiba, the FPWR friendly version of the Great Khali, has never been known for his wrestling acumen, he has performed quite admirably thus far. He’s defeated stand-in for legendary shooter, Gary Albright! He stood stalwart against the ferocious fury of KAZUYA, an approximation of rising WWE star Hideo Itami! He’s an immovable object in search of an irresistible force! Will Big G. Bull be the man to subjugate the “Super Giant?”


 QUARTERFINALING GO!

Forget a bolt gun, it looks like barbed wire landmines are the best way to take down a bull. With two”Final Powerbombs,” Big G. Bull gives up the ghost at 12:16. Perhaps he can take small comfort in the fact that he made a misnomer out of Shiba’s finishing maneuver.


 QUARTERFINAL 4: SUMO v. KERRY BOGGY

SUMO

rikishibelt

  • Nickname: Giant Hip
  • FPWR Profile: “This Sumo wrestler smashes anything.”
  • Billed Height/Weight: 6’0″/286 lbs.
  • A/K/A: Rikishi, The Sultan, Fatu, Junior Fatu
  • Victims: TattooPapaya Tokuma

Rikishi (2)Rikishi, the wrestler simulated by Sumo, rose to prominence by crushing opponents with his giant “hips” and throwing his weight around. So why is Sumo billed at a mere 286 pounds? We can only assume that this is an error… or perhaps… perhaps he’s an impostor among impostors? Conventional wisdom tells us that muscle is denser than fat… and Sumo is manifestly fat. How could a man carrying around nothing but excess body weight defeat the FPWR version of Sabu and the logical nightmare that is Papaya Tokuma? Something tells me that…

KERRY BOGGY

gordybelt

  • Nickname: Dr. Nuke
  • FPWR Profile: “His deadly power is atomic.”
  • Billed Height/Weight: 6’4″/298 lbs.
  • A/K/A: Terry Gordy
  • Victims: Kerry TexanCrazy Rose

Terry GordyDr. Nuke will get to the bottom of this. Kerry Boggy, nuclear physicist and clone of van enthusiast, Terry Gordy, has been on a tear. He savagely slaughtered pseudo Terry Funk! He wantonly wasted sort of Scott Hall! The man that belches the loudest cares not about your age, weight, or size. He will put this boot right here upside your head! Let’s find out if there’s any blood left in Sumo’s body, right here on Bad Street!


QUARTERFINALING GO!

Let this be a lesson to all of us – lying about your weight gets you nowhere. Kerry Boggy advances to the semis with a vicious lariat at 10:44!

NEXT TIME: The semifinals!

Fire Pro Wrestling Returns: The Briefcase Cup – Match 23

MATCH 23: “YELLOW BEAST” PAPAYA TOKUMA v. “GIANT HIP” SUMO

IntroductionMatch 1Match 2Match 3Match 4 Match 5
Match 6Match 7Match 8Match 9Match 10 – Match 11
Match 12 – Match 13 – Match 14 – Match 15 – Match 16
Match 17 – Match 18 – Match 19 – Match 20 – Match 21 – Match 22

We’d like to start this post off with an unsolicited plug. Our friends over at The Two Man Power Trip of Wrestling recently interviewed the great Glenn “Kane” Jacobs for their podcast (which we wholeheartedly suggest you subscribe to via iTunes or whatever other service you use for podcast delivery. You can get a taste here – but the full thing is definitely worth a listen!

They’re dropping like flies! The field continues to narrow as we near the end of Round 2! TONIGHT – Sumo will attempt to squash Papaya Tokuma beneath his giant hips! Sumo doesn’t seem like much of a fruit eater to me, but something tells me he’ll try to devour Papaya Tokuma nevertheless. Can our favorite salsero dance around the weight disparity to pull of another shocking upset? LET’S FIND OUT!

VIOLENCE GET! SHAKE WHAT YO’ MAMA GAVE YA’!

PAPAYA TOKUMA

Briefcase Cup Match 13 - Raven Gush v. Papaya Tokuma Screenshot 2015-03-26 20-15-37

HustleRangerYellowPapaya Tokuma, FPWR’s version of Mango Fukuda (a/k/a Bear Fukuda, a/k/a Takayasu Fukuda, a/k/a Hustle Ranger Yellow, a/k/a one of many men to lose to a ladder) pulled off a stunning upset in Round 1, defeating the heavily favored Raven Gush (FPWR’s version of Kevin Nash) in Match 13.  While the match was competitive, Papaya put “The Genocide” to sleep at 13:28 with a Doctor Bomb. I apologize to Kevin Nash and his lawyers for letting this happen on my watch.

Listen, I’d love to tell you more about Mango Fukuda and his career, but I don’t think it would be good for my mental health. Last time I explored this guy’s accolades, we went down a dark path filled with Ninja Turtles and brainwashed Power Rangers. I’m scared of what I’ll find if I dig any deeper than that. So you’ll just have to settle for this Salseros Japoneses match.

If you fast forward to the 17:00 mark, you’ll actually catch some footage of Mango showing off his salsa moves. It really sheds some light on his decision to take up a second career as a Power Ranger.

Despite outward appearances, history has shown us that Papaya has got the go to back up the show… but he’s got a VERY weighty challenge ahead of him.

SUMO

Briefcase Cup Match 14 - Sumo v. Tattoo Screenshot 2015-03-26 20-15-58

rikishi2Sumo, FPWR’s royalty free Rikishi (a/k/a Junior Fatu, a/k/a The Sultan, a/k/a Headshrinker Fatu, a/k/a the guy that ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin in the name of Samoan supremacy) used his substantial “hips” to squash hardcore legend Tattoo in Match 14.  He barely broke a sweat in the process, crushing his opposition in just 9:33.

Rikishi is headed to the WWE Hall of Fame this coming Saturday. There’s no way I can do a better job than the WWE production team at summing up his legendary career… so I’ll just let them do the work:

The real x-factor in this match: Dancing ability. Despite the earlier provided video evidence to the contrary, you’d have to think that Mango would have the edge, based purely on his training as a professional salsero.

Well, you’d be wrong about that. Statistics tell me that most people don’t actually watch the videos, so just trust me when I tell you these guys are equally fatigued. Can Papaya do it again?


 LET’S WRESTLING!

No. Sumo takes it in 11 minutes even with a Sumo Driver! The great “Yellow Beast” has been slain!

NEXT TIME: We close out Round 2 with a bang as “The Playboy” Crazy Rose takes on “Dr. Nuke” Kerry Boggy!

Fire Pro Wrestling Returns: The Briefcase Cup – Match 14

MATCH 14: “GIANT HIP” SUMO v. “THE PLANE” TATTOO

IntroductionMatch 1Match 2Match 3Match 4 Match 5
Match 6Match 7Match 8Match 9Match 10 – Match 11
Match 12 – Match 13

Despite what you may have heard, when viewed as a whole, pro-wrestling can really be considered quite the progressive profession. Promoters appear to have no problem letting their employees self-identify as a member of any race, creed, species or class they might choose. The wrestling world doesn’t care if you’re a Puerto Rican who claims to be a ninja from Japan, it doesn’t even care if you’re a giant white lummox who puts on a dashiki and suddenly decides he’s from Africa!

TONIGHT, we celebrate that diversity, as a Samoan Sumo takes on an “Indian” madman from Michigan!

SUMO

Rikishi (2)

RikishiSumo is Rikishi, which is appropriate, because “rikishi” is the Japanese term for a sumo wrestler. Instantly identifiable by his bleached blonde hair and be-thonged backside, Rikishi was a crowd favorite during the WWF’s Attidude Era, wowing audiences with his unique brand of ass-based offense. Sorry – where are my manners? Hip-based. His offense was hip-based. Just take a look at his “Corner Hip Drop” in action.

Could you imagine having all that hip dropped on your chest? Clearly the nickname “Giant Hip” is well-deserved. Rikishi also earned quite a bit of fame rubbing his hip in his opponents’ faces:

Despite employing an ostensibly Japanese gimmick, Rikishi is actually a Samoan-American from San Francisco. Indeed, it wasn’t too long after his “debut” that the WWF dropped any pretense of him being from Japan at all, as he quickly teamed up with two white rappers and formed the tag team we all lovingly remember as Too Cool.

That isn’t all that strange for a wrestler… until you consider the fact that just a year prior, he was wrestling as “The Sultan,” an ostensibly Iranian wrestler managed by the Iron Sheik.

Sultan

And a year prior to that, he was wrestling as… well, himself: a Samoan dude from San Francisco.

Fatu

… and a year before that, he was wrestling as a head-shrinking savage.

headshrinkersfs

So yeah, he’s had a bit of an identity crisis; but that doesn’t mean we love him any less. We at Subspace Briefcase accept you for who you are, you big Japanese-Iranian-Samoan lug.

Anywho, despite his Japanese trappings, Rikishi never fought much in Japan.  Notably, he did wrestle the famous sumo Akebono in a match or two in All Japan, but that’s about it.

So Rikishi and his big hips were not particularly BIG IN JAPAN. Will his otherwise sterling reputation be enough to carry him to a victory over…

TATTOO

Sabu (2)

sabu1Much like the infamous Sabu, Tattoo is “famous for reckless and daring moves.” One of this Philadelphian’s favorite wrestlers of all time, the always entertaining Sabu is notorious for being a danger to himself and others. Tatoo even uses a “moonsault press” for his finishing maneuver, which sure sounds like it could double for Sabu’s triple jump moonsault:

Tattoo is a dead ringer for Sabu, the tights, the beard, the tape… But why “Tattoo?” Well, Ta-too does sound kind of like “Sah-Bu…” but why is his nickname “The Plane?”

Well I got two words for ya’: Hervé Villechaize.

herve

Whoa, wait, where are you going? Just hear me out! For those in need of a Hervéducation, Villechaize was a French-born actor of Filipino decent. Born with proportionate dwarfism, Villechaize achieved a great deal of fame portraying undersized sidekicks of crazy rich dudes. Fans of the James Bond films will no doubt recognize him as the actor who portrayed Scaramanga’s henchman, Nick Nack, in 1974’s The Man with the Golden GunUsing the Bond franchise as a launching pad, Villechaize became a star of both the big and small screens. He even recorded a single or two:

Villechaize achieved his greatest fame as a regular on the television series Fantasy Island from 1978-1984, where he helped make all our dreams come true in the role of – wait for it – TATTOO, the sidekick of Ricardo Montalban’s Mr. Roarke.

If you watch the above video for all of 20 seconds, you’ll here Villechaize utter Tattoo’s signature line:

“THE PLANE! THE PLANE!”

BOOM. That was me dropping the mic.

Coincidence?

…..yeah, probably. Particularly considering the fact that one of Sabu’s signature moves was commonly referred to as “Air Sabu:”

ANYWAY, if you’re reading this, you probably have a good idea who Sabu is, but if you don’t, it will suffice to say that he’s one of the greatest hardcore wrestlers of all time.

Like Rikishi, Sabu has eschewed his inherited ethnicity. Born in Long Island and reared in Michigan, Sabu (real name: Terry Brunk) frequently portrayed himself as a nonverbal maniac from Bombay. It runs in the family, I guess: Sabu’s uncle is Ed Farhat, the Original Sheik, a wrestler from Lansing, Michigan who claimed to be from the “Syrian Dessert.” As Sabu’s career went on, he repatriated, claiming to be from “Bombay, Michigan,” a town that does not exist. We at Subspace Briefcase respect that choice, and you should too. Or Sabu will kill you.

So, anyway, was Sabu BIG IN JAPAN? Yes. Sabu had some of his most violent and dangerous matches in Japan. Here he is in FMW taking on Tarzan Goto in a barbed wire match back in 1993 (be forewarned, this is gnarly, and damn near unwatchable):

If you’re interested, YouTube user PFLaw317 has prepared an excellent compilation of some of Sabu’s early matches in Japan:

So yes, Sabu was BIG IN JAPAN. But does that mean that Tattoo will be able to overcome the fact that Sumo is BIG IN THE HIPS? We’ll just have to see…


LET’S WRESTLING!

Sumo takes it at 9:33 with a hip drop. What else can I say, but…

710

NEXT TIME: We push it to the limit as Crazy Rose takes on the man called Spike!