Tag Archives: Dynamite Kid

Fire Pro Wrestling Returns: The Briefcase Cup – The Quarterfinals Begin!

IntroductionMatch 1Match 2Match 3Match 4 Match 5
Match 6Match 7Match 8Match 9Match 10 – Match 11
Match 12 – Match 13 – Match 14 – Match 15 – Match 16
Match 17 – Match 18 – Match 19 – Match 20 – Match 21
Match 22 – Match 23 – Match 24

TONIGHT – The bios are done, and all that’s left is BLOODSHED! We proudly present to you a double dose of DEATH and DESTRUCTION as we inch ever closer to the finals!

QUARTERFINAL 1: GIGANT BORGART v. BLOOD LOVE

GIGANT BORGART

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  • Nickname: The Mad Express
  • FPWR Profile: “Tramples rivals like a runaway train.”
  • Billed Height/Weight: 6’3″/331 lbs.
  • A/K/A: Giant Bernard, Prince Albert, Albert, A-Train, Tensai
  • Victims: Mascara Eagle 2Giant Rozhmov

AlbertGigant Borgart, former body piercing enthusiast and hip hop hippo, has made quite an impression in the Briefcase Cup. There’s no question that this international superstar was BIG IN JAPAN. Don’t believe us? Just look at his list of victims: he convincingly defeated FPWR‘s unlicensed versions of Alberto Del Rio and André the Giant. The “Mad Express” has no intention of stopping tonight: it’s scheduled to run straight through to the semis.

BLOOD LOVE

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  • Nickname: Blood Venom
  • FPWR Profile: “Hero of Canada.”
  • Billed Height/Weight: 6’/243 lbs.
  • A/K/A: “The Excellence of Execution” Bret Hart
  • Victims: Smasher GigasBritish Azteca

IBret Hartf anybody can derail Borgart’s train, it’s Blood Love. A former WWF and WCW champion, he’s often referred to as “the best there ever will be.” A mat wrestling genius, he should have more than enough scientifc skill to match against Borgart’s brawn. While he’s giving up nearly 90 pounds to his opponent, Blood has no problem felling giants: he excellently executed the much larger Smasher Gigas in Round 1. We should have a real pier 2 brawl on our hands here, folks!


 QUARTERFINALING GO!

This was just like the director’s cut of David and Goliath. The one where the sling breaks, Goliath throws David into the barbed wire landmines, and we learn no moral lessons whatsoever. Gigant Borgart becomes a legit legend killer as he delivers a biblical beatdown to Blood Love with a Hawaiian Smasher (which looks a lot like an F5) at 13:02!


 QUARTERFINAL 2: STEEL JAMES v. DYNAMIC KID

STEEL JAMES

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  • Nickname: Dr. Cruelty
  • FPWR Profile: “He’s the most feared rival in the States.”
  • Billed Height/Weight: 6’2″/271 lbs.
  • A/K/A: “Dr. Death” Steve Williams
  • Victims: Andy SpiralsDeucy James

DrDeathAt this point, we’re pretty sure this man is not a doctor. In fact, he brutally murdered his last two patients, FPWR‘s cut rate versions of AJ Styles and Petey Williams. If he takes out one more cruiserweight, he might classify as a serial killer. I guess that’s to be expected from a man that was part of a team called the Miracle Violence Connection. Nurse, we need 50ccs of MAYHEM. STAT.

DYNAMIC KID

dynamitekidq

  • Nickname: Mad Bomber
  • FPWR Profile: “Overwhelms opponents with his small body.”
  • Billed Height/Weight: 5’10″/231 lbs.
  • A/K/A: The Dynamite Kid
  • Victims: Curry MaskJorsh Hornet

DynamiteKidIt doesn’t matter if you’re an MMA legend or a… uhh… curry person, Dynamic Kid brings the explosive offense all the same. Dynamic packs a lot of energy into that compact frame of his, and matches up well with just about any opponent. He’s already wrestled a five-star classic against Curry Mask/Curry Man and defeated Jorsh Hornet/Josh Barnett in a brutal slugfest. Whatever tools Dr. Cruelty brings to the operating table tonight, Dynamic has shown us that he’s ready to respond in kind.


QUARTERFINALING GO!

Call the FBI. We’ve got a maniac in a red singlet systematically targeting white males under 235 pounds. Steel James takes a beating (and a headbutt to the pills), but buries Dynamic Kid at 11:06 with an avalanche hold.

NEXT TIME: We finish the quarterfinals!

Fire Pro Wrestling Returns: The Briefcase Cup – Match 20

MATCH 20: JORSH “THE BLUE SAMURAI” HORNET v. “THE MAD BOMBER” DYNAMIC KID

IntroductionMatch 1Match 2Match 3Match 4 Match 5
Match 6Match 7Match 8Match 9Match 10 – Match 11
Match 12 – Match 13 – Match 14 – Match 15 – Match 16
Match 17 – Match 18 – Match 19

We’re 20 matches deep, but there’s still much more action to come! TONIGHT – MMA legend, Jorsh Hornet, attempts to sting the explosive Dynamic Kid into submission! Only one man will advance to the next round of the BRIEFCASE CUP! Brought to you by Conono™ – Kilometers Away From Typical!®

VIOLENCE GET! WE ARE ALREADY DEAD!

JORSH HORNETBriefcase Cup Match 7 - Jorsh Hornet v. Flash Burton Screenshot 2015-03-16 19-09-55

Barnett

Jorsh Hornet, FPWR’s judgment-proof facsimile of MMA great, Josh Barnett, dispatched Flash Burton with a brutal capture suplex KO back in Match 7. While the match lasted only 9:03, Hornet absorbed several brutal powerbombs in the process. He’s undeniably a tough customer, but every man has his limits. He’s up against a much smaller foe tonight in the Dynamic Kid, but he just CAN’T be operating at maximum capacity.

They say a bee only gets in one sting before it dies, but don’t sleep on Hornet. He’s been cloned from the DNA of Josh Barnett, one of the baddest men to enter a ring, hexagon, or octagon. Name a shape. Any shape. Josh Barnett has kicked someone’s ass inside of that shape. You dare to doubt me? Fine. Don’t blame me when Josh shows up at your house and kicks your ass while wearing a black diaper.

As you can probably tell, we’re fans of Mr. Barnett here at Subspace Briefcase. That might be why we linked to three highlight videos in his bio. You know he’s a badass. So, instead, please enjoy this video of him fixing a broken nose with two pens.

This man truly is MMA Jesus. Should he lose tonight, he will undoubtedly rise from the dead.

DYNAMIC KID

Briefcase Cup Match 8 - Dynamic Kid v. Cury Mask Screenshot 2015-03-16 19-10-54DynamiteDogDynamic Kid defeated the quite-possibly-racist Curry Mask in one of the more epic matches of Round 1. Though he defeated his spicy nemesis with a German suplex, it took him a whopping 21 minutes! If he’s anything like his real life counterpart, Dynamite Kid, though, he should have plenty gas left in the tank – that guy could GO.

Fun fact – everybody who makes Dynamite Kid tribute videos sets them to sad music. In all likelihood, this is because his hard-hitting style cut his career tragically short, leaving him confined to a wheelchair.

There isn’t much I can say about Dynamite that hasn’t already been said – so I’ll just let Bret Hart say it.

PURE DYNAMITE. So we’ve got two legit asskickers in the ring. A bee may only get one sting, but I haven’t seen a stick of dynamite that can explode twice. Time to get VIOLENT.


LET’S WRESTLING!

All the MMA training in the world won’t prepare you for multiple trips to the… uh… just what is that thing anyway? An exploding strip of cardboard covered with barbed wire? Those giant puffs of baby powder it emits lead me to believe it is probably painful, and also a leading cause of mesothelioma. The Kid hits a dynamic German suplex to pick up the 3-count at 10:10!

NEXT TIME: Star Bison takes on Big G. Bull! That’s STAN HANSEN vs. BRUISER BRODY. BAH GAWD!

Fire Pro Wrestling Returns: The Briefcase Cup – Match 8

MATCH 8: “MAD BOMBER” DYNAMIC KID v. “HOT SPICE” CURRY MASK

IntroductionMatch 1Match 2 Match 3Match 4Match 5
Match 6Match 7

Let’s not forget what the Briefcase Cup is all about: showcasing blatant knockoffs of the wrestlers who sacrifice their health, sanity, and occasionally, their lives in service of our entertainment. While we’re far from the end of the tournament, this evening, we’re presenting two of our strongest entrants from the “Were they Even Trying?” division. Tonight, THE WORLD’S GREATEST RIPOFF may just make his presence known.

DYNAMIC KID

DynamiteKid

DynamiteKidYou don’t even have to use your imagination; the developers didn’t. Dynamic Kid is the legendary Dynamite Kid, Tom Billington. Just in case you we’re having difficulty getting to “4” from “2+2,” they went ahead and made Dynamic’s nickname “Mad Bomber.” He’s pure Dynamite. Astute legal scholars will also note that Dynamic is just four days younger than Dynamite, thereby granting the developers of FPWR a flawless defense in any copyright infringement lawsuit. “But, your honor – did you see the birthday? CHECK and MATE, Mr. Billington.”

Like Dynamite, Dynamic utilizes a flying headbutt as a finisher. Technically, Dynamic utilizes a “Super Dive Headbutt,” which I can only assume is slightly more awesome. The flying headbutt is a maneuver that has fallen out of vogue in recent years, thanks to its propensity to inflict concussions on its proponents, but damned if Dynamite didn’t make like his opponents were getting the worst of it.

If any western wrestling fan remembers Dynamite, it would likely be for his time as part of the British Bulldogs with Mightyboy Edd….. errr… Davey Boy Smith. During their four year run in the WWF, Dynamite and Davey earned a cult following, capturing the tag team titles at Wrestlemania 2 (while cornered by Ozzy Osbourne, no less).

Despite his “mainstream” success, what Dynamite is most known for today is his time in Japan. If you search for video on Dynamite, you’ll find that he wrestled a gentleman named “Tiger Mask” more than a few times. Here’s a playlist of 12 of those matches:

The “Tiger Mask” that Dynamite wrestled was a legendary Japanese wrestler by the name of Satoru Sayama. If you’ve been following the Briefcase Cup diligently, you may remember him from our entry on Blood Love. Dynamite’s matches with Tiger Mask are often credited with putting the junior/cruiserweight style of wrestling on the map. This might explain why Dynamic’s profile states that he “overwhelms opponents with his small body.” It’s not the size of the charge, but the yield of the blast, huh?

Anyway, the overwhelming majority of these matches took place under the banner of New Japan Pro Wrestling. Dynamite was BIG IN JAPAN, an unqualified legend. He should do well in this tournament.

And just in case you didn’t feel like watching all 12 matches in the playlist above, here’s a highlight video:

Well hot damn. Whoever takes on our boy Dynamic had better be a serious badasss.

CURRY MASK

CurryMan

CurryManThis guy looks the part, right? As the picture to the left demonstrates, Curry Mask is clearly supposed to be Curry Man. If Curry man isn’t a badass, at bare minimum, his spicy flavor will sure leave your ass feeling bad (shut up, that’s the best I could think of after 5 minutes). Curry Mask is virtually identical to Curry Man. He even has the exact same finisher, the Spicy Drop:

ChristopherDanielsThis is blatant thievery. I can only assume that the developers hedged their bets here – it’s well-known that Curry Man is the alter-ego of independent wrestling phenomenon, Christopher Daniels, but would he be willing to testify to that in court? Well-played, FPWR. You called his bluff. Enjoy your ill-gotten yen from the infinity pool atop your secret Mt. Fuji headquarters, you bastards.

Where to even start with Curry Man? Well, I guess we’ll go with spectacular tribute video:

While Daniels was a known commodity in the states when FPWR was being developed, Curry Man had made few, if any, American appearances. In Japan, however, it appears that the shoe was on the other foot: Curry Man was really turning up the heat. Here he is beating a dude in a tiger mask. It’s not THE Tiger Mask, but hey, it’s gotta count for something, right? They can’t be giving those things out for free.

Curry Man wasn’t a superstar on Dynamite Kid’s level – he isn’t credited with inventing an entire style of wrestling – but that’s not to say he hadn’t racked up his fair share of accolades! He captured the British Commonwealth Junior Heavyweight Championship (one of the strangest titles in all of wrestling) during a stint in Michinoku Pro Wrestling, and was part of several successful tag teams. While teaming with a gentleman by the name of “Super Rice Boy,” he even managed to defeat the team of the Great Sasuke and Taka Michinoku in the finals of the 2002 Futaritabi Tag Team League! I know, right? Seriously though, that’s a tremendous accomplishment.

Hey, he even won the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship with our old pal, British Azteca:

Was he BIG IN JAPAN? Yes, but not on the level of Dynamite. Perhaps, more importantly, though, he was HOT IN JAPAN. Curry Man was so hot they were afraid to serve him to American audiences. Will that be enough for Curry Mask to defuse the Mad Bomber?


LET’S WRESTLING!

GOOO! Talk about your five-star matches. Despite a slow start, Curry took advantage of the no-rules stipulation and turned the tide with several kicks to Dynamic’s cherry bombs. Curry even broke out the all time greatest wrestling taunt of all time – pointing to your head to show how smart you are – TWICE! But true to his bio, Dynamic simply overwhelmed him with his small body. I have to wonder if the fix was in; this might have worked out quite differently if Curry could have scaled the turnbuckles.

NEXT TIME: A Texan tries to take down a Bison!