Introduction – Match 1 – Match 2 – Match 3 – Match 4 – Match 5
Match 6 – Match 7 – Match 8 – Match 9 – Match 10 – Match 11
Match 12 – Match 13 – Match 14 – Match 15 – Match 16
Match 17 – Match 18 – Match 19 – Match 20 – Match 21
Match 22 – Match 23 – Match 24 – Quarterfinal 1
TONIGHT – The herd is thinning, but that doesn’t mean the rage has diminished! It’s quarerfinal CHAOS as we serve up another two-pack of TERROR!
QUARTERFINAL 3: BIG G. BULL v. GREAT SHIBA
BIG G. BULL
- Nickname: The Brain
- FPWR Profile: “The stern monster with beastly skills.”
- Billed Height/Weight: 6’5″/298 lbs.
- A/K/A: Bruiser Brody
- Victims: Keiji Togashi, Star Bison
If he wasn’t a legend in his own right, we’d call Big G. Bull, FPWR‘s surrogate for Bruiser Brody, a legend killer. His victims include fake Kenta Kobashi, one of the greatest Japanese wrestlers of all time, and quasi Stan Hansen, who may have been the first person to slam André the Giant (sorry – we mean Giant Rozhmov). While “The Brain” has no intention of losing tonight, he’ll need to rely on more than his mental acumen if he wants to take down…
- Nickname: Super Giant
- FPWR Profile: “The giant from India suddenly emerged.”
- Billed Height/Weight: 7’2/441 lbs.
- A/K/A: The Great Khali
- Victims: G.O. Bright, KAZUYA
Let no one say that size does not matter. How else could a man that can barely pull off a powerbomb get this far? While Great Shiba, the FPWR friendly version of the Great Khali, has never been known for his wrestling acumen, he has performed quite admirably thus far. He’s defeated stand-in for legendary shooter, Gary Albright! He stood stalwart against the ferocious fury of KAZUYA, an approximation of rising WWE star Hideo Itami! He’s an immovable object in search of an irresistible force! Will Big G. Bull be the man to subjugate the “Super Giant?”
Forget a bolt gun, it looks like barbed wire landmines are the best way to take down a bull. With two”Final Powerbombs,” Big G. Bull gives up the ghost at 12:16. Perhaps he can take small comfort in the fact that he made a misnomer out of Shiba’s finishing maneuver.
QUARTERFINAL 4: SUMO v. KERRY BOGGY
- Nickname: Giant Hip
- FPWR Profile: “This Sumo wrestler smashes anything.”
- Billed Height/Weight: 6’0″/286 lbs.
- A/K/A: Rikishi, The Sultan, Fatu, Junior Fatu
- Victims: Tattoo, Papaya Tokuma
Rikishi, the wrestler simulated by Sumo, rose to prominence by crushing opponents with his giant “hips” and throwing his weight around. So why is Sumo billed at a mere 286 pounds? We can only assume that this is an error… or perhaps… perhaps he’s an impostor among impostors? Conventional wisdom tells us that muscle is denser than fat… and Sumo is manifestly fat. How could a man carrying around nothing but excess body weight defeat the FPWR version of Sabu and the logical nightmare that is Papaya Tokuma? Something tells me that…
- Nickname: Dr. Nuke
- FPWR Profile: “His deadly power is atomic.”
- Billed Height/Weight: 6’4″/298 lbs.
- A/K/A: Terry Gordy
- Victims: Kerry Texan, Crazy Rose
Dr. Nuke will get to the bottom of this. Kerry Boggy, nuclear physicist and clone of van enthusiast, Terry Gordy, has been on a tear. He savagely slaughtered pseudo Terry Funk! He wantonly wasted sort of Scott Hall! The man that belches the loudest cares not about your age, weight, or size. He will put this boot right here upside your head! Let’s find out if there’s any blood left in Sumo’s body, right here on Bad Street!
Let this be a lesson to all of us – lying about your weight gets you nowhere. Kerry Boggy advances to the semis with a vicious lariat at 10:44!
NEXT TIME: The semifinals!