MATCH 23: “YELLOW BEAST” PAPAYA TOKUMA v. “GIANT HIP” SUMO
Introduction – Match 1 – Match 2 – Match 3 – Match 4 – Match 5
Match 6 – Match 7 – Match 8 – Match 9 – Match 10 – Match 11
Match 12 – Match 13 – Match 14 – Match 15 – Match 16
Match 17 – Match 18 – Match 19 – Match 20 – Match 21 – Match 22
We’d like to start this post off with an unsolicited plug. Our friends over at The Two Man Power Trip of Wrestling recently interviewed the great Glenn “Kane” Jacobs for their podcast (which we wholeheartedly suggest you subscribe to via iTunes or whatever other service you use for podcast delivery. You can get a taste here – but the full thing is definitely worth a listen!
They’re dropping like flies! The field continues to narrow as we near the end of Round 2! TONIGHT – Sumo will attempt to squash Papaya Tokuma beneath his giant hips! Sumo doesn’t seem like much of a fruit eater to me, but something tells me he’ll try to devour Papaya Tokuma nevertheless. Can our favorite salsero dance around the weight disparity to pull of another shocking upset? LET’S FIND OUT!
VIOLENCE GET! SHAKE WHAT YO’ MAMA GAVE YA’!
Papaya Tokuma, FPWR’s version of Mango Fukuda (a/k/a Bear Fukuda, a/k/a Takayasu Fukuda, a/k/a Hustle Ranger Yellow, a/k/a one of many men to lose to a ladder) pulled off a stunning upset in Round 1, defeating the heavily favored Raven Gush (FPWR’s version of Kevin Nash) in Match 13. While the match was competitive, Papaya put “The Genocide” to sleep at 13:28 with a Doctor Bomb. I apologize to Kevin Nash and his lawyers for letting this happen on my watch.
Listen, I’d love to tell you more about Mango Fukuda and his career, but I don’t think it would be good for my mental health. Last time I explored this guy’s accolades, we went down a dark path filled with Ninja Turtles and brainwashed Power Rangers. I’m scared of what I’ll find if I dig any deeper than that. So you’ll just have to settle for this Salseros Japoneses match.
If you fast forward to the 17:00 mark, you’ll actually catch some footage of Mango showing off his salsa moves. It really sheds some light on his decision to take up a second career as a Power Ranger.
Despite outward appearances, history has shown us that Papaya has got the go to back up the show… but he’s got a VERY weighty challenge ahead of him.
Sumo, FPWR’s royalty free Rikishi (a/k/a Junior Fatu, a/k/a The Sultan, a/k/a Headshrinker Fatu, a/k/a the guy that ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin in the name of Samoan supremacy) used his substantial “hips” to squash hardcore legend Tattoo in Match 14. He barely broke a sweat in the process, crushing his opposition in just 9:33.
Rikishi is headed to the WWE Hall of Fame this coming Saturday. There’s no way I can do a better job than the WWE production team at summing up his legendary career… so I’ll just let them do the work:
The real x-factor in this match: Dancing ability. Despite the earlier provided video evidence to the contrary, you’d have to think that Mango would have the edge, based purely on his training as a professional salsero.
Well, you’d be wrong about that. Statistics tell me that most people don’t actually watch the videos, so just trust me when I tell you these guys are equally fatigued. Can Papaya do it again?
No. Sumo takes it in 11 minutes even with a Sumo Driver! The great “Yellow Beast” has been slain!