MATCH 19: “DR. CRUELTY” STEEL JAMES v. DEUCY “THE SHOCK” JAMES
JAMES against JAMES! Will Doctor Cruelty administer a lethal dose of pain? Will Deucy James deliver some excessive shock treatment? Will this tournament ever end? Does this look infected to you? The answer to these questions, and SO many more… TONIGHT!
We last saw Steel James, who is somehow not a porn star, back in Match 5, where he brutally murdered the much smaller Andy Spirals in just 8:21. To be fair, Spirals may still be alive, but there are only two doctors in this tournament; one of them is fighting in this match, and the other one is his tag team partner. They won’t be providing any urgent care to their competitors.
As we covered during his first match, Steel James is more or less the late “Doctor Death” Steve Williams, who will go down as history as one of the greatest gaijins to wrestle in Japan. If you’ve ever heard anybody call a gutwrench sitout powerbomb a “Doctor Bomb” – and really, who hasn’t heard that one around the water cooler – it’s because Williams had that particular maneuver down to a science.
This man has a PhD in pain! A doctorate in destruction! He put the MD in MURDER! Why can’t they all be doctors? This practically writes itself! In any event, Spirals barely landed a hand on him in Round 1, so Steel James should be more than ready to go against….
… Deucy “The Shock” James! While he’s not “The Shock Master” (you didn’t think I could write more than 32,000 words on wrestling and not reference that once, did you? They’d kick me off the Internet), he is “The Canadian Destroyer” Petey Williams. Do you see what they did with the last names there? Did ya’?
Deucy had a rough go of it in the first round. While he defeated our sole female competitor, Raja Dunk, our non-existent ringside physicians estimate that he lost nearly 15 cubic hockey pucks worth of blood in the process. Hockey pucks are the official volumetric measurement unit of 9 Canadian provinces. Québec measures its fluids by beaver pelt displacement. Don’t bother looking that up, it’s a FACT.
During his career, Petey Williams earned a reputation as one of the world’s premier light heavyweights in TNA’s X Division, where he somehow made the most implausible maneuver of all time a show-stopping highlight:
Petey was a frequent competitor of “The Phenomenal One” AJ Styles – you could almost say that he was the Canadian equivalent AJ Styles. AJ Styles made it in to FPWR as Andy Spirals. As noted above, Steel James murdered Andy Spirals. Deucy had better hope that Steel James can do a backward roll.
A day late and 15 pucks short. A Murder Backdrop and a Doctor Bomb cinch it up for the elder James at the 8:26 mark!