MATCH 16: “THE WILD BRONCO” KERRY TEXAN v. “DR. NUKE” KERRY BOGGY
We’ve reached the end of the opening round! Dr. Nuke attempts to give the Wild Bronco a lesson in atomic theory as Kerry Boggy takes on Kerry Texan! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE… guy named Kerry in this tournament. TONIGHT!
We’ve already featured one member of the Texan clan (may that be the last time I ever type the phrase “Texan clan”). You may recall, fan, that we featured the talents of Harry Texan, Jr. – a stand in for the legendary Dory Funk, Jr. – a few weeks back. Kerry Texan is a stand in for Dory’s younger brother, Terry Funk. Aesthetically, FPWR has nailed it. Kerry’s got Terry’s long thinning hair, and he’s wearing a reasonable approximation of Terry’s signature striped tights and headband.
The finishing maneuver, though? Not so much. Kerry’s finishing maneuver is a “Texas Jab.” Terry more commonly employed a spinning toe hold (like his brother) or a piledriver as his finishing maneuver. That being said, it was not uncommon for Terry to paste his opponents with a multi-punch combo during his matches, and I assume that’s what FPWR is referencing. Just fast forward to 6:38 in the video below.
Kerry is known as the “Wild Bronco,” which is approrpiate, because Japanese audiences referred to his real life counterpart as the “Texas Bronco.” Don’t believe me? Just google translate this page and search for it. It clearly says “And ‘Kamen noble’ Mil Máscaras stomping set is two people living legend of ‘Texas Bronco’ Terry Funk.” I rest my case.
If you read further in that article, you’ll also note that “Terry received the touch down swinging the chair from throwing the audience when take out to curb the out of the question to brains.” Terry Funk has done a lot of things that are “out of the question to brains,” which might explain why FPWR has dubbed Kerry Texan both a “legendary man” and a “reckless dad.”
You see, Terry Funk would have been BIG IN JAPAN had he stopped wrestling in 1993, at the ripe middle age of 49. By that time, he’d already won All Japan Pro Wrestling‘s World’s Strongest Tag Determination League three times with his brother, Dory, and he’d won more titles than you can shake a stick at. Hell, he’d even landed a role in Road House. He didn’t win an Oscar, but he deserves some kind of statue for his performance. I’m not sure how Swayze ever recovered from that zinger.
But Terry Funk didn’t stop. He joined the International Wrestling Association of Japan, an independent Japanese promotion, and started playing with fire. No, you don’t understand; he really started playing with fire:
The original incarnation of IWA Japan, which existed from 1994-1996, was primarily focused on deathmatch wrestling. That’s a lot like hardcore wrestling, but with a much higher chance of the participants actually killing one another. So, Terry, being one of the most respected (and technically sound) wrestlers of all time, and a father of two, logically decided it was the best place for him to ply his trade. “Reckless dad?” Arguable. “Out of the question to brains?” Definitely.
But that clip doesn’t even begin to do Terry’s foray into deathmatch wrestling. Here he is facing off against Mick Foley in an exploding ring barbed wire match:
Please note that Mr. Onita went on to become an elected representative in Japan, so should you meet him, please address him with appropriate honorifics.
Terry even went on to bring deathmatch wrestling to ECW, where he took on Tattoo – er, sorry – Sabu in one of the first barbed wire matches to reach American audiences. The commercials they ran for this match still give me nightmares.
Terry Funk is still out there doing this. He’s 70. He was BIG IN JAPAN, and he’s in his element in the Briefcase Cup’s deathmatch setting.
But who am I kidding, what he’s most remembered for is his music career.
If we assume that “Kerry” is FPWR’s ever-so-subtle shorthand for “Terry,” we’re already halfway to the conclusion that “Kerry Boggy” is the late Terry Gordy. Terry was known to known to American audiences as “Bam Bam,” and to Japanese audiences as “The Human Torpedo.” Both nicknames have an explosive component to them, which is why I believe FPWR settled on “Dr. Nuke.” Kerry utilizes a “Wild Bomb” as his finishing maneuver. A “Wild Bomb” is a powerbomb into a pinning combination, which Terry employed to great success throughout his career:
Terry started wrestling at the age of 14. He earned his first taste of fame as the muscle for The Fabulous Freebirds, one of the greatest tag teams of the 80’s. Yes, they were a tag team comprised of three dudes. People just went with it. Perhaps most remembered for their time in World Class Championship Wrestling, Terry and his partners have often been called the greatest tag team of all time, winning just about every tag team title possible outside of the WWF.
In the late 80’s early 90’s, Terry took his talents to All Japan Pro Wrestling, where he became BIG IN JAPAN. We’re talking Godzilla huge. Like his opponent, Terry also won the World’s Strongest Tag Determination League three times – once with Star Bison/Stan Hansen, and twice with Steel James/Steve Williams. Together, Williams and Gordy were known as the “Miracle Violence Connection,” which is probably the best name for anything to ever come out of Japan.
Gordy would capture tag team gold 7 times in AJPW. Terry won’t have his partners to back him up in this tournament, but that shouldn’t be a problem for the ol’ Human Torpedo. He had a successful Japanese singles career as well, which perhaps reached its zenith when he captured the Triple Crown Championship in 1990.
Yep, that’s Stan Hansen he beat there. Gordy was BIG IN JAPAN without question. Terry Gordy looked like – and was – a real American shitkicker. I mean that in the best possible sense. He gave his opponents the old fashioned kind of beating up; the kind where he beat on them a lot more than they beat on him. Sadly, Terry passed away in 2001. If this loving tribute is any indication, though, it wasn’t before he became one of America’s greatest ambassadors of pre-scripted pain.
In any event, this should be a brutal match – two of the biggest American names in Japanese wrestling. My money is on Kerry.
GREAT GOOGLEDY MOOGLEDY. Dr. Nuke busts the Wild Bronco at 3:35 with a shocking KO! You don’t need a degree in nuclear physics to know that we’ve got a new Briefcase Cup record!
We’ve done it! We’ve profiled all the wrestlers in the Briefcase Cup! It only took three months and my reputation as a sane person! But don’t put your foam fingers away just yet – we’ve got more brutal action coming your way in ROUND 2!